Life cannot be dealt with alone.
It’s very tempting and sometimes too easy to try and go at life on your terms without taking into consideration others who care about you. I’m someone who does this. I’m very stubborn, I don’t ask for help when I need it, I don’t open up about my feelings or what I may be going through. I don’t like being uncomfortable or in the spotlight.
However, something happened this week.
I’ve been in my current job position for about 3 years. For the first time, I allowed myself to be vulnerable with my team. We have weekly team meetings, and our manager always asks each of us if we have any issues and to state something positive. This week I asked those on my team who pray, to pray for me as I’ve been really struggling with depression and anxiety these last couple of weeks.
I didn’t say any more than that, but I felt uncomfortable and overwhelmingly exposed. We work remote and use our cameras during our meetings which made it even more uncomfortable knowing they could see me as I started tearing up. I couldn’t believe I cried in front of my peers because I’ve never allowed myself to be vulnerable.
Here’s the part that got me. After the meeting, one of my teammates called me. She said, “Hi. I love you.” And started praying for me right there over the phone. Of course this made me breakdown even more and feel even more exposed. I didn’t know how to process that overwhelming feeling so I couldn’t help but cry more. She was saying really uplifting and inspirational words to me but also made a point to let me know it’s okay to not be okay and to break down every once in a while.
After that call I felt so different. I felt a little better. I felt proud of myself for opening up and it made me feel so grateful for all of the people in my life who care about me and who have tried to help me in one way or another.
There are so many days I feel lonely. But I only feel lonely because I allow myself to. I say no to invitations out and don’t reach out regularly to some friends. I let myself stay in the comfort of my home, because I don’t have to pretend I’m okay when I’m there. The moment I leave my home or are around anyone who isn’t my fiancé, I’m not me…and it’s incredibly exhausting.
Not everyone in your life will drop what they’re doing to help you. But you know the ones who will. They deserve your appreciation. They deserve the real you whether you think they do or not.
You cannot go through life alone. Lean on those who care about you. Stop being stubborn and open up a bit more to someone you trust. Accept the invite and actually show up. You are not less than because you’re going through a difficult time. Everyone goes through stuff, and we all cope differently when we do.
Love yourself enough to let someone else love you too.
Until next time,
April at Choosing to Bloom
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